Logic of a kind on the Hill of Howth Tram.

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**The Bag of Spuds

bagofspuds.jpg (46919 bytes)Jimmy was a simple man and well-known around the Hill of Howth. He was well liked by all and tackled all the handyman tasks in the larger residences. Few seemed to know his second name, perhaps not even Tommy, as his origins were as obscure as himself. Anyway, he would trim your hedge, paint your gutters or pave your yard all for a few shillings, and, apart from a few snorts or grunts, he said very little.

Tommy was rarely charged the fare on the trams and usually stood alongside the motorman. His shabby grey coat was tied around the middle by a piece of string and his cap was always pulled down over his deep-set, thinking eyes. He sometimes sat on the lowest rung of the winding stairs and stood up when it was time to disembark from the tram. Tommy always stood on the wrong side of the track and, whilst the other passengers boarded the tram on the rear near side platform, Tommy boarded from the front end on to the drivers platform.

On one occasion Matty Knowles, a kindly driver who never passed Tommy by, was cruising along whistling to himself when he observed Tommy, with a large sack of spuds on his back, waiting for the tram. Matty pulled in alongside and drew back the trellis folding gate to permit Tommy aboard. With a quick nod of the head Tommy was soon settled on his lower rung, the sack still heavy on his back.

After a few miles, Matty wondered why Tommy continued to keep the sack on his shoulders and suggested that he should leave it down on the platform and rest himself. “I will not,” responded Tommy, “tis good enough of you to carry me without paying the fare, without also having to carry the sack of spuds too.” Tommy had a strange logic that only he could understand, and Matty said no more. Once he admitted to Judge Mahaffy, when up on a drunk and disorderly charge, that he was as drunk as a Judge”. Surely you mean as drunk as a “Lord” emphasised the Judge. “That’s right, my Lord,” replied Tommy.

Tommy used to sleep on deserted fishing trawlers and was reported to smell of rotten fish. He was most sensitive to any comments regarding his aroma. He was also often up on a charge of poaching before Judge Mahaffy, and was known well by the judge. He was not without temper, and few people ever dared to cross or upset him without harsh consequences.

On one occasion he was clearing away the weeds with a hoe around the Old Catholic Church in the Village, when the Parish Priest, Fr. O’Byrne, approached him and said: “You know Tommy, you are a great little hoer.” Tom promptly turned his back and walked away in the mistaken belief that Fr. O’Byrne had insulted him and it took every effort on the priest’s part to convince him otherwise.

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